A Distraction From Reality! : A Play On Words and Life!

Never mind reality, believe life can be better if only I can wake up in time to enjoy it! These little shorts are good and enjoyable!

I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.

Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing are called pinion feathers. A crow has 16. So, the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion.

I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied, "That's not just any old lizard ... he's a stand-up chameleon."

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.

Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.

Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court ... it was a brief case.

How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.

My friend said she wouldn't eat cow's tongue because it came out of a cow's mouth. I gave her an egg.

Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler.

My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right ... Jack and the beans talk.

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. You probably have not heard of herbivore.

I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.