Worries Double for New Year : Some Carried Over

HERE ARE A FEW THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT FROM EMAILERS, THAT IS IF YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT.

HAVE A GREAT SAFE AND FUN NEW YEAR. The Slickster!

As we approach the end of the year 2010, I want to thank each of you for your educational emails youu have sent me over the past 12 months. I have recently been advised by my psychologist am totally screwed and have very little chance of ever recovering. Here are just some of the reasons:

I no longer can open a bathroom door without using a paper towel; or let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on them.
I can't ever sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because I now know the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can never touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public restroom.
I must send special thanks to whoever sent me the email about the rat poop in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason!

I no longer have any savings because I could not help myself but give to the sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time. While I no longer have any money, all that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program, and the $2.75 million U.S. Dollars that I am waiting to have transfrered any time now into my checking account from a Christaian benefactor in Nigeria.

I no longer worry about my soul anymore because I have 363,214 angels looking over me and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.
I can't have a drink in a bar now because I may wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can't eat at KFC because their poor chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks, with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer causing deodorants even though I now smell like a water buffalo on a really, really hot day.
And thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to at least seven of my best friends and then make a wish within five minutes.
I can't do any gardening anymore because I'm afraid I will get bitten by the dredded Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

Because of your concern I can no longer drink a Coca Cola, because I now know it is very good to use to remove toilet stains.
I no longer stop and buy gas without someone along to watch my car so that a serial killer doesn't crawl into my back seat as I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in my microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
And thank you for letting me know that I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
I can no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle hidden in the seat when I sit down and instantly become infected with AIDS.
I can no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and then rob me.
I no longer answer my home telephone because someone will ask me to dial a number, and then I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, Uzbekistan or even Nigeria!I no longer need to buy cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their "original" recipe.

And thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but my own because; a big black snake could well be lurking under the seat and I could suffer instant death when it bites me on my butt.
And thanks to you your wonderful advice I can never pick up $1.00 I see dropped in a parking lot, because it probably was placed there by a sex molester just waiting to grab me as I bend over.

And finally, if you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 20 minutes, a large dove with terrible diarrhea will land on your head tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from a thousand camels will infest your back causing you great pain and to grow a huge hump!

And you are probably wondering how do I know all this will occur; well it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician just last week!PS - I just learned this week to start keeping my toothbrush in my living room, because I was told by an email that water can splash over 6 ft. out of the toilet when one uses it!